the beginning of the end

so ive put off creating one of these for a while now, but my inability to sleep like the rest of the general public has led me to this point, and i must say, it feels good. it will be nice to have a means to sum up the day, if only to my own benefit.
ive become quite intoxicated by the scent of burnt oil and gas mixtures lately. my moped is finally up and running, and i must say, ive never felt as alive as i do riding it. i went for a pretty long ride tonight when the rain subsided, and the rush that i got from riding alone through the park was unmatched by no other event in my life.
the biggest plus to this new found hobby is the amazing group of friends ive made through it. though im new, i can tell that each of these new people that will be a part of my life are not like any ive ever met before, i feel welcomed around them, even though im the random guy that just started showing up, im super excited. i needed this.
ive started thinking back on alot of the decisions ive made in the past, some being more self-destructive than others, but i hate to admit, im happy with very few of these decisions. ive decided im going to start living my life for me, and my enjoyment. i want no trouble, no pain, just a feeling of complete satisfaction at the end of the day. it would be nice to feel as though id truly done something that benefited myself.
on that note, i really just want to sell my car, take my moped, and ami, and move out to arizona. the fresh air, warm weather, and kind hearted people there would really do me some good. but oh well, until i get my finances in order, that will remain nothing more than a dream.